I remember when my dad turned 50. He was still spry and agile. I remember thinking, I hope I’m like my dad when I’m his age. Fast forward 15 years later, and I hope to God I’m nothing like that dude. It’s like someone jacked him for his youth. He’s like Toyota Prius slow. Other notable birthdays: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Paris “sextape” Hilton both celebrate their 32nd birthdays today. Shouts out to the Aquarians; you eccentric bastards.

Happy birthday, MJ!